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I will be talking about violence in computer games and the effect it has on people.
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Wat betreft stijl is dit een klote opening
je gaat niet zeggen dat je het nu gaat hebben over dit en dat, maargoed stijl zal wel niet zo belangrijk zijn.
het gedeelte tussen [ ] is jouw oorpsorngelijke tekst, mijn suggestieve verbetering staat tussen
( ) erachter
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I chose this subject because a friend of mine me an essay about this, and I found it really interesting. I [by me self play pretty much computer games] (play many computer games myself) [and would like to know your opinion about violence in them, how far can you go?] (and I would like to know your opinion about violence in those computer games, where's the limit?)
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And I would like to [discus] (talk about a few cases, where) [some people who went insane and killed people] (some people went insane and started killing others) (misschien moet "others" weg...), [columbine] (moet dit niet columbian zijn?) high school in America for e.g. another e.g is the owner of a toy store, he banned all the games out of his store, (komma) because his 7 year old nephew played games in [with] he needed to kill people by [driving over them](running over them with a car), or an other game [in you needed to be a criminal](where you are a criminal and you have to) beat up people with baseball bats.
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