ik ben

Congratulations! Based on inflation, taxes, the anticipated world economy, melting icecaps, free love, the global yeast war of 2017, the Canadian depression of 2021, and your personal financial outlook, you can expect to be worth one million dollars at...


39 years old!


This is how you'll make (or lose) big bucks during your very eventful life. Match these events on your personal timeline with the graph to see their effects.


2007: You get picked to play Darth BaulsTM in the new Star Wars.

2009: Your directorial debut, Little Rascals: Post-Apocalypse, fails miserably.

2015: You start a career as a porn star in Clitopatra.

2017: Almost everything you have is stolen by a very crafty me.

"Hi, I'm Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft, noted crap-monger, and star of TV's Melrose Place. I'm also a psychic. Anyway... I predict that your first million dollars will be made in 2023, in the following ways: "

$180,000 begging in the streets.

$178,000 through insider trading.

$85,000 being a star.

$174,000 through lucrative nerd-ism, like me, Bill Gates.

$352,000 working 9 to 5.

$31,000 odd-jobs for the Pope.